The principle of niceness

I should never write when I'm depressed, but ofcourse I always do :) Last friday I had a really good time at the housewarming party of Vera, Dries and Pim. Lot's of people were there, even some from the old Lunatik era (:P) and I even succeded in forcing Francesco to come to the party and bring Giancarlo Montemurro, a friend from the university who now lives in Italy again. Nice to see him again! I really liked it, the atmosphere was nice, I talked to many people, my new roomy Valerie, Giancarlo (V), Peter, Marin (ofcourse) and many other crazy people.. I really felt among friends..
But yesterday we went to the Christmas market in Aachen with another group of colleagues and I came back feeling very bad.. Couldn't really say why, because most of the time I really enjoyed myself. Maybe I'm just getting a little tired of the gossip-culture in our university. Sure, I've been part of it myself with Floor and Marin. But before I've never enjoyed it, and right now I'm certainly not enjoying it.. Especially not when people really speak unpleasantly about others. I mean, a little fun about who is liking who is not so bad, but really saying that someone is stupid while you don't even know this person, and the others stupidly laughing along with it.. I don't think that is very funny or a nice conversation topic. Same goes for the nonsense that comes out of someone mouth, always about sex. I mean, five times it is funny, the tenth time I can still laugh a little, but after a hundred times I really have had it.. And everyone still laughs along with it.. And some things are really not funny at all, but hurtfull for anyone that has experienced that. Let alone that you are projecting your own wishes on someone else..
Sorry, I was just a bit frustrated with it all. And my colleagues think that I'm some stupid "pretty girl" with short skirts that is always drunk or something. Or that Marin and I are identical twins and think exactly alike..
Guess I'm having a little problem with coming across as myself and not going with the flow. I've never been in the flow, so it's strange to see now that you get a certain reputation or people think about you in a certain way and you don't really know why or how this happened...
Maybe because I've thrown myself into the colleague-party-scene that people start to think they know you, while they don't at all. Maybe it's time to withdraw myself and start hanging out again with the colleagues and friends that I can trust.
I just got this really bad feeling that some people could stab me in the back at any moment, just because they have certain ideas about me or something. And I just thought that these parties and social gatherings were a nice oppertunity to get to know the people I already like a bit better..
I always trust every person I meet, because I want to be positive and think that everyone has good in him or herself. And only when it's really proven that I can't trust this person I partly give up. But I never stop believing that there is good in everyone. It's just that many people all have different insecurities and they sometimes do stupid things because of that. They often do stupid things because of that hahaha.. I think I'm pretty lucky in being surrounded by really nice people, but sometimes on a night like yesterday I suddenly realize that maybe not everyone is that nice. And that people can be really cruel and mean. And then I'm disappointed and sad..
But tomorrow will be better ;)