getting frustrated
I wonder why my issues become too often some elses issues? It makes me stop talking to people. And I wasn't so talkative to those I don't know so well to begin with.. I mean, today someone came up to me and asked me something very private and I am not even friends with this person. She asked me something I didn't even talk about yet with some of my closest friends because I didn't want to. I didn't want to make it their issues and I have a lot to think about myself, so sometimes letting thoughts wonder in your own mind is better than asking everyone's opinion about it. So what gives anyone the right to ask me this, when they don't even want to know because their care, but just so that they can talk about it with others??
(..some sleep later..)
Pfiew, did I have some fights yesterday! I really, really don't like to fight, but sometimes you just have to, to make your point clear (in one I succeeded, in the other not really I guess). And it is good to clear the air and see that both you and the other didn't mean it so bad. I got a cute little plant from the one who violated my privacy yesterday, so that was really nice.. I think I made my point, that I don't really give a shit about people talking about me behind my back, as long as I don't have to hear it. And that I don't appreciate to have to answer questions about my personal life to people who don't have anything to do with it.. And the other fight was just one about stubbornness and insecurity and miscommunications and a history that keeps running in my mind.. But today, after some nice Baileys with Anne yesterday, I feel so much better and lighter and happier than I have felt before in the last couple of weeks..
Let's see how long it will last whahaha.
No, but I think I realised yesterday that it is not always bad to talk with others about how you feel. I just don't want to talk about it too much, because I already have talked about it so much for the last year that I now just want some quietness and a little bit of peace in my mind as far as that is possible. Just to let things be for now..
Life will run it's own course..
posted by Xiricou @ 2/08/2007 08:40:00 pm
13 comments
13 Comments:
It seems to work somehow.
You are right about the talking behind backs....it's so easy and it looks so tough and grown-up (or summat) to say: Say it to my face if you have to say it! But it's really: Please don't let me hear it, I don't wanna get hurt, even tho I know you talk about me that way, even tho I do it myself sometimes, I.Just.Don't.Want.To.Know!
Which reminds me of last night when I did something I shouldn't have done: Spilling beans.....stupid me, stupid alcohol......
Mmm yeah, I think it is a personal choice to say you want to hear it or not. I can imagine that when everyone is talking behind your back and you know this, you rather have people ask you about this. But for me, I was not even aware of people talking about me, so I don't feel like answering questions that are really not their business.. Although I always answer honestly.
You were.. spilling..beans..?
But still I don't really care if people talk. I just deleted some pictures from the server, because some people found them too intimate. But I know that nothing is going on, so why should I care what conclusions others draw? Hahaha life gets too complicated like this..
Anywayyyyy
The decision to spill less beans to people who don't have anything to do with those particular beans was a nice decision which I sorta forgot about Sunday evening.
But why would you delete pictures if it is the others who make the gossip you know isn't true? You do defy their judgement but still conform to their pars.... not being meant as critique because I know I am worse than anyone in this. What other people think seems to determine my actions <_< ......
Still, it's a weird development of the self, not agreeing with the others but still doing things to avoid being tagged with the wrong tag....what's wrong anyway? What tag does one have in mind for himself?
anywayyyyy indeed :p .
I just saw you walking around drunk with a pan of beans in your hands, spilling them on the floor :P But it's an expression :P But what kind of things you said you shouldn't have said? Was I there? :P About sex or gossip?
No I just deleted the pics because I thought maybe Peter wouldn't like them on the server.. It would be interesting new gossip no? Hahaha maybe false gossip distracts from true gossip muhahaha.. So delete to make sure harm doesn't come to those you like and not because I'm scared of what people say.. Thát would actually be quite funny :)
Silly girl. We had pizza....WITHOUT beans, in case you forgot ;-).
And you're right again (ofcourse...) it might cause gossip Peter doesn't want. Which makes me start wondering (stupid I know) what Peter was actually thinking then...... :-o
beans or no beans, life is to comlicated to overanalyze.
But yet overanalyzing is what I love to do somehow.. Always.. O_o
And to the silly girl: we were watching photographs! :P I've also been in Giancarlo's, Federico's, Francesco's and Marin's arms that night (whahahaha), let's says everyone was just a tiny bit slightly drunk.. Or was that not what you meant?
*gniffel*
Girls just wanna have fuuhun.. Although not having any pictures would be better :) This gives really bad material for promotions and things like that
1. It's good I have so little self-esteem as not to see myself ever becoming a PhD.
2. It's the best that you two are having promotions which we can absolutely choke with weird/bad/nasty/evil photo's! MOEHA!
grappig dat dit zo allemaal in t Engels gaat... of zijn de betrokken mensen Engels sprekend en hopen jullie stiekem dat die het ook lezen en zo nooit meer zullen roddelen?
Goeie quote Marin :-)
Ik heb nog steeds geen flauw idee wat er allemaal gaande is daarzo, maar t klinkt wel een beetje een deprimerende omgeving met al die roddelaars. Aan de andere kant... roddelen kun je niet verbannen, en ik doe er vast ook weleens aan mee. Op een 1 of andere manier ben ik me helemaal niet bewust van roddelende mensen hier. Of t gaat totaal langs me heen (grote kans hihi), of ze doen het totaal niet (kleine kans).
Maar ik begrijp de situatie dus in zoverre niet, dat ik ook niet begrijp waarom je zo uitslaat tegen iemand die jou direct een vraag stelt (en het dus niet roddelend via anderen doet). Dan kun je toch zeggen dat het haar niets aan gaat? Maar kan me voorstellen dat als de vraag erg confronterend is dat je je afvraagt waarom zij het vraagt...
haha in ieder geval, nogmaals: goeie quote Marin, want zo zie je maar, ik ben t ook al aan het overanalyseren ;-). En sterker nog, ik weet helemaal niets van de situatie af dus ik moet eigenlijk gewoon mijn mond houden :-O
Nja ik ben een beetje zo van dat als iemand mij iets vraagt dat ik daar dan automatisch eerlijk antwoord op geef. En toen begon ik opeens te bedenken dat ik het eigenlijk wel heel stom vond waarom ze dit vroeg. Want ik ken haar helemaal niet, ze is geen vriendin, ze vraagt het niet uit medeleven, ze vraagt het enkel en alleen zodat ze dat dan weer aan andere mensen kan vertellen! Want ze zei ook nog dat het háár niet interesseerde. Dus ik vind het een beetje raar om onder het mom van "laat ik direct zijn en niet roddelen" informatie vergaren waar je dan vervolgens weer over gaat roddelen.
Ik stuur je wel ff een mailtje om te zeggen waar het precies om gaat haha.. Dus eigenlijk had ik idd moeten zeggen dat het haar niks aan gaat, maar omdat het zo'n vraag compleet out of the blue was, gaf ik er meteen antwoord op, waarna ze eigenlijk niet wist wat ze moest zeggen en maar begon te lachen..
En idd het roddelen ging ook altijd compleet langs me heen (behalve dan hetgeen wat ik met vrienden en vriendinnen bespreek), maar sommige mensen hier vinden het nodig om met iedereen te roddelen op een gemene manier en dat hoef ik nou weer niet te weten..
ah je emailtje helpte wel veel...
mooi dat je haar even op haar nummer hebt gezet. Ja, ik kan je reactie me helemaal voorstellen. grrrrrr....
*completely oblivious is*
Wil je ook een mailtje? ;) Dacht dat je al niet zo oblivious was..
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