whieeee

Yes I know, it is evil-wicked-bad but I'm coming back again.. I've been here only for two weeks (not even) and will be back at Maastricht after three weeks.. The happy occasion is the official appointment of Francesco as professor in Maastricht! So he is going to be there for a week, and I am coming with him..
All very nice, but the original plan was that this would take place later in april (because I was hoping to be in Maastricht with Lauran's birthday the 27th). So I was kind of sad, because I like to crash birthdays as you all know by now ;)
So I thought, let's be bold, and ask Francesco whether I could maybe stay in Maastricht a little bit longer (also it would give me the opportunity to finalize my design and maybe scan a few subjects if it is possible..) . So I just got the confirmation that it is totally ok with Francesco, so I will stay untill the end of april!!! I am really jumping up and down in the room right now!
I am so happy, opposite to earlier today when I spoke with the dean for some minutes and he keeps saying to me that I should speak (and learn) italian, but not in a teasing or friendly kind of way. A week ago he also came by and spoke with Ilaria and only commented to me: oh so you still don't speak italian? So that kind of puts me down.
I am happy though now, although a little bit conflicted, because I know it would be better to stay here for a longer period, to get integrated a bit more. If I keep going back and forth I cannot really settle here and keep longing for home. But on the other hand, I might be going back to Maastricht a bit more permanent in the fall (although I maybe should not say this, because it might be subject to change), so why not try to make my life as pleasant as possible?
Let's just be happy now :) Floor is coming this wednesday, so it will be very nice :) This weekend I will work like hell, so then next weekend Floor and I can go to Rome!!! Haha yes we are a bit crazy, but it will be fun.. We'll go look for the sun and come back tanned in Maastricht :P So april is going to be a long month of enjoyment for me :D
See you all soon!

just a little one then

I write too much, people whine, I write too little, people whine... I like it! :D That means you all still like me a bit ;) I just wanted to write that I am getting settled a bit, because when I walked into the panini-shop for lunch the lady behind the counter did not ask me what kind of sandwich I wanted, but said (in italian) ah do you what the mozzarella and tomato sandwich? And do you want it warm? Hahaha yes please... And the lady behind the pay-desk did not even look at my sandwich or asked me what kind I had hehehe.. Then I walked to the tower and sat in the sun to eat my lunch.. Delicious... Too bad the amount of people here is still a bit lacking.. Colleagues? What are those? So my emotional stability is not what it used to be (as far as it was stable anyhow :P) (ohnooo I'm becoming like Mr. Stability :P *ahum* sorry, teasing is a sign of affection too right? :P) But I promised I wouldn't whine for a while, so I won't :)
Francesco will be back this afternoon after being away at Napoli and everywhere else for a week (everyday people come by to ask if he's there, some are angry haha *woops*) so I will try to extract five minutes from him and ask about HBM (the big congress in June). Well, now I will continue looking into the depths of statistical analyses.. o_O
Ciao!

less = more?

Maybe I will try to write a bit less, because this blog is more becoming my diary than a general info page.. It's not much use if I write everyday that I miss everyone so much and I miss my home and I miss everything, because then everyone will worry about me and that is maybe not so good. So I will just try to manage every day here and write now and then (maybe only once every two days instead of every day! haha ;)) I just want to say that I really appreciate all the comments, mails, text messages and msn-conversations.... so keep up the good work! ;) Because if there is one thing I want (and what makes me happy), it is to stay updated with everything that is happening to all of you!
xx

cioccolato!

I just found a good reason to stay in Italy: cioccolato caldo con panna!!
And no, I'm not talking about the whimp-ass chocolate milk we have in Holland... I'm talking about cioccolato..! Marin, when you come to visit me (if you come to visit me ;)) we soo are going to drink that! With really nice whipped cream.. hehe..
*ahum*
Sorry I just had to talk about the things that make me happy, like cioccolate and the beautiful buildings everywhere in Italy, it gives me such a nice feel of history.. I think I still love Rome the most, but I'm also starting to like this city..

sunday

I tried to follow Marije's advice and not blog too much, I lasted one day as you can see :) But today is sunday, and sunday is usually one of those days that no-one has much to do (or does much), so then there is time to blog.. I've just arrived at the office and starting to feel a bit better, so maybe I should not start writing about this, but the last few days I was just thinking that maybe these were a little bit too much changes for me.. First, to move, which is a big change to begin with, then to leave my boyfriend, family and friends all behind because I moved so far away. And to add to that I moved to a country where I don't speak the language, which makes things twenty times as hard, and last (the reason behind it all) I started a new job at which I want to perform well. I mean, any of these changes alone would ask a lot from someone, but all of them together, I don't know if I can handle it. I say to myself that I must handle it, because it is good to be strong right? But talking with Marieke about leaving home for a long time and how everyone says that it is so good to have experience abroad and and so great to live in another country (i remember that Elia said that for him it didn't matter in which country he lived), it ofcourse differs per person, but I think we agreed that sometimes it is not so bad too admit that you actually rather would be home. Ofcourse it's not possible now. Still, I start to admire people who live in another country than their own more and more ;)
And don't get me wrong, it's not all so bad here, not at all. The country is very beautiful, Francesco, Lucia, Ilaria, Fabrizio and Adriana are all very nice and friendly, I still like what I am doing job-wise.. It's just that I miss all of you so much!
And I know that I should not be asking everyone for advice on what to do to make myself more at home here, because I only feel like I'm not doing things good enough, not being sociable enough, not learning Italian good enough (I really want to learn but I don't know how!), not arranging things like getting a bike, doing a course or some other activity. It's all just too much stress. I know things will just go slowly and in my manner (as it always does :D) it's hard to change your character... I am just not very outgoing (or at least not when I don't know people yet), so I cannot change this right now and be very outgoing all of a sudden.. Would it make things easier? Yes, for sure. But can I change myself like that, no I don't think so.. So I just have to wait a bit and see if I'm starting to feel better or not.. And when not, I can always make some kind of drastic decision, but not yet... First I have to try and try and try and then we will see..
And probably I will see all of you at the end of April when Francesco visits Maastricht.. Hahaha it is so strange, because from one perspective you could say, that's only in four weeks! But when days lasts like weeks, and weeks like months, it's a long time..
Yesterday evening was fun though, I watched Pride&Prejudice (again hahaha) together with Ilaria in my room, and we ate in the mensa of la Normale (which is actually called Scuola Normale Superiore hahaha how contradicting), and on friday we also ate there and afterwards studied together, so we had fun :). Only when I have too much time to think, like in the mornings this weekend, it goes wrong. Hehe guess I was just too socially spoiled in Maastricht, with all those nice people surrounding me all the time :) Well, tomorrow a busy work-week will hopefully start, so see you all soon!!

rainy

Yes you can all rejoice, today the weather is like the inside of my head: grey and rainy..
Pffff this morning I felt ungood, I tried to sleep a bit longer because I was so tired, but I still woke up at 8.15, and I tried to sleep more but only dreamt weird and woke up with the feeling I wanted to be home.. Luckily when I arrived at the hospital (late) Lucia and Ilaria were there, so I was happy, because I expected no-one to be there.. I'm having a very bad cold, thanks to the dutch weather, but right now I feel like I'm becoming really ill (yes again).. First I thought it was just the cold and my mood, but now i'm starting to feel increasingly unwell, so maybe tomorrow I should stay in and not go to work.. However, this weekend I can use the Brainvoyager dongle (a 'key' that makes Brainvoyager work), because we have only one at the moment, and Lucia is constantly using it for her work. So now that I am doing some things again with Brainvoyager (with the BOLD latency mapping) I should take the time that Lucia or Ilaria are not using it.
I got some tips from Lucia and Ilaria where to get a bike, they even suggested that we could go somewhere (it's not near) together to look for a bike for me, so that is very nice of them :)
Ah and two of my flatmates (the two girls) are moving! By the 1st of april.. So maybe that is why they run away every time I come in.. No but seriously, maybe they are really to shy to talk to me because they don't speak english and I don't speak italian (we try a bit in both languages), but I am not imagining it, when I come in, they finish whatever they are doing and go to their rooms.. They are very nice though, just not very.... well.. spontaneous (and neither am I) But well, so they are moving, I hope that some other nice people will come in their place.. We'll see!!
Thanks to Lucia and Ilaria and some nice MSN conversations with Joanneke and Marije I'm feeling a lot better now though ^_^ (mentally not physically hehe) A bit more hopeful hahaha.. I should have some patience with myself, but as you all know, patience is not my strongest point :P

*tease*

I just want to tease you all for one second and say that the weather here today is beautiful!! The sky is blue, the sun is shining and it must be at least 15 degrees, because when i walked to the hospital this morning I could not keep my jacket on, it was too warm!
Hehe :P
I was beginning to think that my flatmates were a bit scared of me, because they always go away whenever I come in and start to cook or something (hahaha so it could be because of a different reason :P) , but yesterday I watched soccer together with Vito (the girls were out). Yes you read it correctly, I watched soccer..! :P So that was kind of nice, we didn't talk much with the whole language-barrier-thing ;) but still it was a bonding attempt haha..
Today it is quite here, Francesco is again to Napoli and Lucia will come at 2, so I have to morning to myself to work.. So let's do that hehe..

[edit] 12.49u
By the way, for those who are not familiar with blogs... if you want to leave a comment, you don't have to be a member or anything, just go to "comments" at the end of each post, then type something in "leave your comment", and then "choose identity" -> other or anonymous, whichever you prefer, then you can just leave your name.. Just for the n00bs among you ;P
[/edit]

post nr. 4

Hehe seems like I can't stop.. No worries, in no time I will be busy and stressed again, so then I will have no time to post.. Earlier today I was discussing with Francesco that I don't like to cook only for myself (in Maastricht I almost never cook alone, and if I'm alone I only eat salad haha), so I have to force myself to cook properly.. So Francesco recommened me some very nice (according to him, and I believe he speaks from experience ;)) pre-cooked meals hahaha. Maybe I will check them out tonight :P But it was funny that he (with his wife in Napels) was agreeing with me that cooking by yourself is not much fun :)
And I was happy to hear that Lucia told me today that she was happy that I was back because then she wasn't alone in the office anymore. :) Lunching together is also much better than alone :) And, this was also very very happy news :P we found out where the coffee-machine and the food-machine is! Haha Ilaria (another Ilaria than I first mentioned) showed us the way, so now we can get coffee whenever we want :) for only 35cent.. I must admit that the coffee is maybe a little bit different than in Holland (hehe contradicting previous posts) and that's not easy for me to admit that I was not entirely right! :P Now that I have had coffee at several places (including one with nutcream and whipped cream -ohmygod- that was nice, ofcourse I only cared for the whipped cream, not the coffee :P) I must say that it is a bit more concentrated (and only such a small amount!), but still it is quite similar to the dutch home-made coffee.. (...trying to back out..) Anyhow, enough about coffee :P I think I will actually will go home in half an hour, so I can still go to the supermarket and eat before 21.30u (contrary to yesterday).
Does anyone have any good ideas about what you can do in the evenings, so that I won't be bored out of my mind (in the two hours I'm home before I go to sleep :P) ? Don't say reading, because I'm reading books like crazy and then I have to buy a new book every week, will be too expensive.. Help me! ;)
Ciao xx

one more

Yes yes my third post today, I am doing so much hard work.. :P No, I just wanted to tell that besides the happiness in my heart of seeing all of you again ;) the trip to Maastricht also gave me some scientific advantages.. Fabrizio gave me his new bold latency mapping plug-in (no I won't tell details :P) so now I can try to finish my "old" data.. And I have talked with Elia and Fabrizio about the new experiment. It became clear that Francesco hadn't fully understood Elia when he explained what he wanted to do, so that's why we set up this whole face-perception study. However, Elia and Niko had already done this, so it was not usefull at all for us to do this again hehe.. so we will focus on imagery. Hehe so that was exactly what I understood from Elia all along, but because I didn't know what Niko and Elia had done exactly and Francesco and Fabrizio pressed for perception, I thought, well it is ok to start from that.. But now it is all clear again, so I am happy about that.. Even though I can throw half of my work of the last three weeks away.. I'm happy that Elia is always relaxed and doesn't want to rush into things, like the way it was going now.. It was just that we have to show the people here that we are doing something, before Francesco leaves for Maastricht. So now I know all that, I know what I am doing again hahaha.. That helps not to stress :)
So I can work both on my old data and on the design for the new data, but not try to finish it all within the week hahaha..

And furthermore I was really happy to do some nice things together with everyone! Even though I had only been gone for three weeks, it felt so much longer, and (i don't know if it's true ;)) it felt like some of you experienced it like that too.. So, many happy reunions.. :) I really liked to hang around with everyone a bit in the evenings.. and even a party and some evenings going out, really what I missed here.. And also being home with my family all together was really nice :) Too bad I have to miss the two upcoming birthdays!
Well, I just wanted to say thanks (again :P) to everyone who thought of me and hung around with me! I will be back soon (*i hope* hehe)!
(Next time no surprises ok? hehe I don't want to risk anyone getting a heart-attack.. Especially Jasper not :P Hehe I should have taken pictures of everyones faces :D)

new telephone number!

Oh I forgot to tell everyone, I have a new telephone-number, an italian one:
+39 3891650696
From now on I will use this number, but I will also check my old simcard now and then. I don't know whether it is more expensive to send messages from dutch to dutch-abroad or from dutch to italian, depends on your provider probably.. So if anyone has a problem let me know.. !
xx

back in Pisa

A lot to write about, but ofcourse no time :) I already got back to the office yesterday when I came back. No I'm not a workaholic, it was just nicer to see some people instead of sitting home alone. Yesterday at the airport and also when I just arrived in my room, I thought: why am i torturing myself like this? I mean, a scientific career is nice (although for me it is not so much the career, as more just doing something I really like), but is it worth it when I am not happy? But as I walked to the hospital I started thinking a bit more positive, about that there are enough people in this city, so I should be capable of finding some friends and that I probably will be getting back to Maastricht in 5 weeks or so.. However, that is also a bit of the problem, when I keep thinking of Maastricht I can never settle here, so how can I be happy if I keep longing to be in another place? So I should really focus on being here and having a nice life here.. But then again, how can I do that if half of me (Lauran, my friends, my family) is in the Netherlands? I guess i'm not as easy adaptable as some others (like Marije, I am always amazed how well you manage, anywhere). But I just heared some chearing up news, so i will hope that the uncertainty about my future will be over at some point, so I can find some peace (both in Pisa and Maastricht). I mean the fact that I don't know how long I will be here also doesn't really help. Anyhow, I had many other, more fun stuff to tell but I think I have to continue working a bit now, so maybe later today if I have some time..
Maybe I should say again that I was very happy to see a lot of you again! :D

few more days :)

And now I'm almost going back again.. I am at the university, guess it has become a habit hehe.. Just looking at some stuff of my stage-project that still has to be finished..
This week here has been great.. To see everyone again, to have some nice evenings together with my friends and family.. Haha the sushi + Mullins of yesterday was great.. I was happy that people decided to include me in their already made plans.. :) It's kind of strange to see that everyone manages fine and everyones life goes on no matter if I'm there or not... Haha I know it sounds a bit stupid, because ofcoúrse everyones life continues, but especially on monday when it was my first evening in Maastricht and I was alone, it felt like I could just as well have been in Pisa or whereever else.. And so I will be hehe.. But besides these thoughts haha I was happy to see that everyone was happy to see me haha.. ;) So thanks to everyone who made some time for me :) and re-schedule their party for me :) and made breakfest for me :) and made sushi with me :) and call me at three in the morning :) and things like that


[edit] 22.19u let me add to that: thanks to the guys that just made us food!! ;) mjam.. [/edit]

Home!

If anyone is still wondering why I didn't post so much lately... yes I am back in the Netherlands :) ! Woei! Now that I finally surprised Marin (unfortunately by text message..) I can publish something on my blog again.. Hehe I must say that it has been toooo much fun to surprise everyone ;) Hahaha evil plotting... I like it :P But it was hard to keep it a secret.. So if anyone wants to do something fun, I'll be in Maastricht untill tuesday!
A big hug to all of you!

quick post

Just a quick post...
Presentation still drives me insane.. I don't know why this program is called Presentation when the one thing it is bad at is... presenting things! Both loading stimuli and actually presenting them at the right time seems to be an impossible thing to ask. Why create a program which goal is to present stimuli and then not abling it to some basic things??
But on the bright side, I got a lot of nice emails from people this week which always makes me happy.. even a very long email from Anne ;) and an invitation of Giancarlo to visit him in Torino and Efje is going to visit me and Marieke and Marin send me emails, even far-far-away Irene :), so a big thanks to all of you ^_^ ! Hehe I will email back soon :D

trip down memory lane

I just remembered that I totally forgot to tell about my flight to Pisa, because it was actually quite funny :) I was afraid that I would be thinky and depressed all the way to Pisa, but some guys helped me to cheer up.. When I was still at the airport I say this big group of loud, tough-looking italian guys and I thought, ohno please don't tell me I have to sit in the plane with thóse guys... So I looked for a quite place in the plane.. and ofcourse.. some of these guys sat behind me and to the side.. And they started talking and yelling to each other etc etc.. untill they discovered me :P The wrong thing was to tell them my name... Haha because then every five seconds I heared behind me: Aline! Aline! Aline! And then they would ask me some kind of silly question again hihi.. And then I would turn around again.. Aline, Aline! Why are you so silent? Aline, Aline! Are you (and then after 10 minutes they found the english word for afraid haha) afraid? No? Well, I am hehehe cute to see so-called "tough" guys admit that they are afraid to fly.. At one moment they even started singing :) And they even made a song with my name in it hahaha.. Ofcourse everyone in the plane was looking at them.. But it was very funny.. Then they bought Maltesers and kept giving me some.. First one guy, and then the others started also.. And they made a picture of me haha.. They had been to a soccergame in Belgium or something..
Hehe but is was a nice start of my Pisa-stay and made me forget a bit about missing Maastricht...
Oh and I forgot to say the one thing that I loooooove about italy is..dolce! Muhahahaha desserts are jammie :) :) Especially when they contain chocolat :D They really have the greatest desserts here.. It's remarkable that food plays such an important role here.. It is such a social activity. I mean in Holland you just have dinner and thén go do some fun stuff, but here (..i don't know..) the dinner ís the fun stuff.. I mean, eating could take all evening or all afternoon (lunch) with lot's of different courses and after that there is no time to do anything else haha.. No, but food is important to people here.. but on the other hand if you consider that all the girls are so skinny, it's kind of a double relationship, because on the one hand everyone loves to eat, but on the other hand... boards with icecreams outside the stores don't contain the prices but the amount of calories! I'm also not such a meat-eater, so a second course containing a peace of meat and nothing else is not really my thing... But the desserts... Hehe they are my thing :P

DARGH!

DARGH!!!
Sorry I have to yell a little bit :) So this evening we were going to really do a test version of the experiment. So all day I worked really hard, and stressed and worked some more. Then at 19.30 Francesco calls me that he is ill! It is ofcourse not his fault, and he seems like the kind of person who only stays in bed when he is very ill.. But man! It is no fun to work so hard and then not be able to do the experiment! Not that it was completely finished ofcourse hehe.. But then we could have tested whether the design was ok or not.. Oh well, it will happen someday probably :) Pfff I've worked the full 12 hours now, so I guess we will be going to eat something soon and sleeeeep. More soon...

evenings @ the office

Yet another 20.00h post :) Still working on my stimuli.. Doing a very intelligent job with find-and-replace in Presentation.. *sigh* Luckily Ilaria is also still working here, so I at least have some company :). Oh yes a nice report of yesterday hehe.. Well, there is not so much to tell.. We ofcourse came at the trainstation at exactly the wrong moment, so we had to wait 45 minutes on the train to Firenze.. But it didn't matter that much, I brought my strawberry-candy :) The trip costs 10,20 euro back and forth so that is quite good.. Similar to Holland I guess (with reduction, this is without..). Unfortunately it was raining (while today was a beautiful sunny day! A bit cold, 13 degrees or so, but very nice!) a bit, but when we actually arrived it stopped, so we managed quite well :). We went to the galaria degli uffizi, and we even had to stand in a row! For almost an hour! Haha but as I Marin said, in the summer it can be four hours, so I guess we were still lucky.. Inside a lot of paintings, a lot not so interesting, with a lot of gold and maria.. :) But I really liked the Botticelli paintings and also a painting that looked really, really familiar, but I didn't know why. Very strange, maybe I have seen it before at another exposition.. I bought a postcard of it so I could remember which one it was.. I'll have to do some investigation.. And we watched a lot of Japanese people :) After the museum we walked around a bit and ate some pizza ofcourse and then headed back to Pisa, to actually prepare a home-cooked dinner! :P Surprise, surprise it actually tasted nice too ;) Pasta with pesto, brocolli and pork.. The ever nice combination.. The evening was very homey with white beer, Azumanga and M&Ms :P
This morning I was at the hospital @ 9 to have a meeting with Francesco, who ofcourse appeared two hours later :P But I worked nicely today (only not finished yet!!)
Well I'm off to have some dinner.. more interesting facts soon :P
And no not-aline-like-zoet-heid! :P :P
So I haven't heard so many stories about what you guys are doing.. please tell!

time

So finally five minutes of time to write in my blog. Yes I am in the hospital at work and yes it is a saterday evening.. Today I did walk around town a bit with Lauran, and finally I also got some sleep untill late this morning.. At five we went to the hospital, because Ilaria and Lucia were going to do their resting-state experiment and possibly I would do (part) of my experiment. Yesterday I got stimuli from Bettina, which was very nice of her. I felt a bit guilty for asking her twice within one week, but Fabrizio said to me yesterday that Francesco wanted to measure saterday (today) so luckily Bettina was able to provide me with some stimuli. Then untill late (Lauran helped me with randomizing the trials by writing a Delphi programm) Lauran and I worked to finish part of the Presentation programm. However, it's not finished yet, because we still need scrambled faces and it doesn't look like we are going to measure anyway today.. Haha the screen that we built looks great though, we still need a cloth or something to put over it, so that we can actually project something on it.. Maybe we will try this a bit later.. But it is going chaotic as always.. Tomorrow I will NOT be here :) and go to Firenze or Viareggo with Lauran.. After all, it's kind of a holiday for him so we should do at least something fun.. Besides, we will have to miss each other soon enough again... So tomorrow something fun, a nice report will follow :P
Sorry for the a bit work related post ;)

experimenting

Haha just as easily as it is being annouced that you are going to do an experiment, it is cancelled again :) There is no more time, because Francesco and Fabrizio have to go to Stella Maris (the other fMRI institute) and then Adriana and Fabrizio have to take a train back to Napoli again, so Francesco just annouced that we are going to discuss my experiment by phone.. I am kind of relieved though, because this gives us a little more time to make a good set-up.. Besides, we don't even have stimuli yet, so what were we going to do?? I do wonder whether I should have discussed something with someone this morning, or should have been here earlier (than 9.30).. I guess I am not really used yet to the way things go around here and what is expected of me. Not so strange after two weeks :D So I am just going to think a bit more about the design of the experiment then.. And there is lot's of reading to do..
I couldn't help but thinking this morning (when I was wondering why I felt so terrible yesterday) that I absolutely love my work, but that it is not the most important thing for me. It doesn't make me happy (ofcourse it does make me happy also, especcially when things are going well, but it cannot be the only thing..). I will just have to work like crazy and look forward to the times I will spend in Maastricht, or the times my friends will spend here :) Although that is not really a way to live hehe.. I had to think of Fabrizio yesterday that he heard about my little goodbye "party" ( I wonder from whom.. :P) and that things here are not like that.. Doctors don't have time to hang around and eat pie.. Haha Marieke, I am not at an research-institute, but maybe a hospital is even worse! But I will get used to everything I guess and make the best of it.. But for now I am still looking a bit forward to my time back in Maastricht :P
Did everyone survive/enjoy the carnaval? And do they also celebrate some carnaval up in the north? (either Groningen or England :P)

better

Today indeed looks a lot better :) Partly thanks to Fabrizio who gave me a nice peptalk yesterday. We went to eat a pizza ( Ilaria, Adriana, Fabri and I) and I guess he had noticed that I wasn't looking to happy today. So he said that I could always skype with him, because he and Adriana were always online, and not only about bold latency mapping ;) And that indeed the hospital environment is very different from the university, but that it does enable me to do some things very quickly (so I will see what happens today). Fabrizio is a very nice guy, very kind. So I felt a lot better, also after a msn conversation :) I guess I justed really missed the cosyness (gezelligheid hihi), both at home as at work. I mean, I loved to go to the university every day to work, because there were always nice people to talk to or tease with or ask questions about designs or anything else that was on your mind. Here it's very different.. But i will survive.. Now I go to work!